Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Do a jig or something!

Since my phoneline is still broken, and the monopolistic evil empire of Telefonica has decided to repair it at their leisure, I will divert from my normal political rantings to something of less importance. However, this is something that has bothered me since I arrived here. Barcelona has the worst bums in the world! So after a couple of weeks here, I offer some pointers to those who feel the need to constantly stick their dirty hands in my face while I am eating my bikini and sipping some sangria.

1.) Don´t wear designer square-toe shoes (we know that you´re not poor)
2.) If you stay in the same place everday, don´t switch your begging cup (when it changes from McDonalds to Burger King to Starbucks, I know you´re eating)
3.) Don´t wear nicer clothes than the people that you are asking money from (i.e. gypsies)
4.) Don´t use hair gel, it makes you look too clean
5.) While begging for money from table to table, make sure that the infant that you are holding is not already chowing down on a double-cheeseburger
6.) DO SOMETHING! Laying on the ground, rocking back and forth with your hand out is the most unattractive thing I have ever seen, and it is very unlikely that will earn any income

So I hope this helps. Not only I am trying to aid the bums of Barcelona in their daily pursuits, but I am trying to improve the scenery. So bums, if you want my money, be proactive! Dance, sing, play an instrument... and if you can´t do any of the above activities, do jumping jacks or push-ups! I´m always willing to throw down some euros for effort.

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