Monday, January 31, 2005

Call The Doc, Spain Has WT

As an international politics major, I have had countless theories on foreign policy shoved down my throat, similar to my infantile years when my mom used to try the old “here the comes the plane into the hangar” trick with broccoli. However, it was this past fall that I was introduced to, and ecstatically surprised, to encounter what I believe is the most straight-forward yet enlightening hypothesis to hit international relations and foreign politics this side of the Mississippi. Professor Harkavy, at my home base university of Penn State, lectured to our class on several occasions his sincere belief in what he so lovingly describes as the “WT Theory,” otherwise known as the “Wounded Testicle Theory.” Unimaginably resourceful in nature, the WT provides some of the most shocking insight to almost every conflict that has occurred in the history of the world, from the biblical tale of Cain and Abel to the fateful terrorist strike in the heart of Manhattan.

The drive behind the WT is human emotion and the pain of humiliation. As a result of such humiliation, the attacked, or the group possessing the “wounded” blue balls will stop at nothing in order to exact revenge. Most notably this is seen as occurring in the case of the Middle East. For nearly five hundred years, the Arab world has experienced a real pounding in the sac. This is exemplified by the fact that they have been unable to take control of Israel, a measly speck of desert on the shiny surface of the globe. This disappointment is compounded by the fact that their world population squanders that of the Jewish citizenry. While this is all fun and interesting, it was not until I arrived in Barcelona this semester that I have begun to witness the WT firsthand.

As mentioned by, but not in the exact same terms, Robert Kagan discusses in his masterful work, Of Paradise and Power, the shame and tail-between-the-legs feeling of the entirety of Europe following two World Wars and a successive fifty years of the most lackey stagnation of foreign policy to date. The shove-offish way that Europe tends to act toward the U.S., and vice versa (in the eyes of the neocon) is not surprising considering the realist explanation of why one with power should refuse to give that power up, and why the little kid in the sandbox who has no friends to play with has all the incentive in the world to be a complainer just to gain some attention. When I talk to my newly acquired Catalan friends, who demonstrate 100% hatred for Dubya, I am not sure if it is blind ignorance, researched and formulated disgust, or inherited mistrust from two generations of those suffering the sock to the genitals. In any case, I never really predicted that the WT would follow me across the Atlantic during my studies in sunny Barcelona. Too see how far the WT will go in España, stay tuned for future neocon updates from the Frum faithful. Jonathan signing off.


Blogger Arp said...

Congratulations for your blog (and thanks to for the link): I'm not Catalan (just Spanish) but would enjoy a lot seeing the development of WT Theory in Barcelona.

2:03 AM  
Blogger Hipòlita said...

Hi there!

I believe the academic world is especially anti-US, it is sort of the "tribal mark." You are an oddity otherwise and risk to be shunned. But there is a whole wide world out there, even in Barcelona.

As we say: "bon vent i barca nova," very loosely translated as "smooth sailing."

11:01 AM  

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